June,
2003
"Thinking About My Father"
The phone rang late that evening. It was one of those calls that before I answered, I knew something terrible had happened. My grandfather was close to death from lung cancer and I was certain that when I picked up the phone, I would hear the sad news of his passing.
As I answered the phone, I was overcome with shock to hear my sister say, “Patty, our father had a heart attack. He is dead.”
My father was only 59, soon to retire from a long and upstanding career as a banker, and was visiting my grandparents to help out because of my grandfather’s illness. No, I couldn’t believe it….
“There must be a mistake. I must have heard you wrong.” I said to my sister. “You mean our grandfather is gone?” But I had heard right.
And then, a short two months later I got that other dreaded phone call. My grandfather’s battle with cancer was over.
That was in 1975, which seems to be ages ago. And yet the memory is fresh, the sorrow still deep, the loss still felt.
I turned back to the church in which I was raised for the answers to my sorrow. But it was five more years before I really came to have a personal relationship with God through Jesus Christ when in 1980, I connected with my Perfect Heavenly Father.
My biggest struggle in overcoming the death of my earthly father was the many regrets I had and the hurt and loneliness I felt for not having a father who could love me in a way that was kind, sensitive, caring and encouraging. It seemed that we were just beginning to get to a place of adult to adult understanding and friendship when his life was cut short.
Who my father was and was not became a barrier in me that kept me from relating to and understanding my Heavenly Father. But God is so patient, and little by little, He showed me His goodness, love, acceptance, kindness and forgiveness.
God helped me walk through the anger, hatred, fear, sorrow, blame and regret that had come into my life as a child. I really did learn to release and forgive, and the time came when I could honestly say, “Father, I forgive my father. He did not know any better how to father me as You, God, desired.”
Since that time, I have learned many things about my father’s own childhood. And I can see how they kept him from being able to reach out in love. And I am blessed by God for the truth that was revealed to me by my sister. She shared with me some things my father had said to her that helped me to believe that he did have a salvation experience, even though he struggled with walking that out in our family life.
I am at peace with my father and my childhood. I am at peace because I know the deep abiding love of my Heavenly Father who was there by my side through every pain and sorrow of my youth. There is joy in my heart as I anticipate seeing my father (and mother) in heaven someday. We will have an eternity together in which there will be no more barriers to relationship.
Oh, how I wish my children had gotten to know my father (and grandfather). And oh, how I rejoice at the family reunion we will have in the presence of the Lord.
Now that I am 52 years old, the age of 59 at which my father died seems so young. So much of life he missed – we missed. But remembering the good times we had – the vacations, our trip to the car races, his hard work to provide well for our family – reminds me of the importance of building memories.
After all, it is love that is eternal – only our character and relationships will last forever.
How are you doing in your relationship to your father? If he is passed on, are you at peace with him and the Lord about your relationship with your earthly father? If he is still living, why not spend time deepening your relationship? If your father is not a safe person to be around, can you forgive and pray for him anyway? Can you be an instrument of relationship for your children as you help them honor their father?
Will you ask God, your Heavenly Father, to help you with these issues? Life is too short and eternity is too long to not act now. Share your love and the love of God with your father.
And most of all, on this Father’s Day, June 15th, remember to give all thanks and praise to your Heavenly Father. He loves you, cares for you, protects you and provides for you.
If you are His child, His little sheep, you have been given eternal life. You will never perish and as Jesus said in John 10:28-30 “…no one can snatch them out of My hand. My Father, who has given them to Me is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of My Father’s hand, I and the Father are one.”
Will you pray this with me?
“We cry out to You, our Abba Father, our Daddy God, and give ourselves and our lives to You. Accept us into Your family, oh God.
“Lord, we commit our earthly fathers to You. We commit our childhood and youth to you. We commit our present life to you. You are the perfect Father. And so we ask you to father us. Show us Your love. Help us love You and honor You and let our lives, as Your children, bring praise and glory to You in all that we do. Amen.”
L.O.V.E.,
Patty
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